hi hi.

i had a panic attack yesterday and my mum and i agreed that i need something to focus on until i start uni. i always need something to focus on to feel right. this is what i experience when i have a panic attack:

• first i stress over something, usually for about an hour
• then i stop moving quickly.
• then i start breathing really heavily and i get very upset and shake
• my vision gets cloudy
• then while i'm sobbing/screaming i stop having ambient thoughts and i can't focus my eyes on anything and i don't feel anything
• i usually stand or sit in one place, not doing anything, for fifteen minutes to half an hour. then i can do things again, usually, but it sometimes happens again up to three times in succession.

sometimes i choke on spit or snot and i don't want any people to touch me.

this is what i can do to avoid stress:

• play with my dog or rat
• listen to music
• play uke
• keep busy and useful
• draw or paint
• cook
• look at handsome and useful things
• organise.

this is the tea i make a lot. have a good day.