optimism

god, this is just the best, isn't it? i'm sitting here on the floor, heater in front of me, multitasking by watching films/television (the girl with the dragon tattoo and jackass, respectively) and taking notes from this book. this amazing book: finland, cultural lone wolf, by richard d. lewis, linguist and finnophile. no-one bothering me, little dog asleep next to me, and hope ahead. i think corey is coming to understand my master plan and being a lot cooler and more accepting of it. when mum comes home he's going to live somewhere else for a little while so i can actually have some time with her. i watched a video about dogs saving the world and stopping crime. i have a full tank of petrol. i am well fed, warm, and stimulated. this is a good life.

tattoos, two.

dylan moran, as bernard black, on my arse cheek, with 'BRING MY MY LOLLY' as a sort of circular frame around him, like a stamp. the portrait is mid-yelp.

i grew up watching black books and frequently yell about lollies, so it fits. i have a lot of other tattoo ideas, and most likely, i'll act on two or three, tops. but i can still dream about sitting on the toilet and staring at my heavily illustrated thighs.

other ideas are: a lioness, for the strong women in my family. a portrait of frankenfurter. '¡ay coño!' because it's something my dad said while i was growing up and something i tend to say now - just above my pubic mound. a pencil, as drawn by faris badwan. 'sisu', maybe. and a shit ton of stick & pokes.

if i could i would have heavily tattoed thighs and perhaps arse as well. this is so i can enjoy the funsies of being tattooed, but if i don't want to, i can wear a skirt and no-one will be the wiser.

tattoos, one.

i'm young and i grew up watching all the 'ink' programs - miami ink, la ink, london ink and so on, as well as liking music/musicians associated with art and tattoos. so naturally, like a lot of other people my age, i wouldn't mind certain parts of my body being covered with them.

the inner lip tattoo that skinheads (and lately, youths of any vaguely 'alternative' group) tend to get? i've seen some good options - cake, dick, truth, even small pictures. all appropriate to the persons they're stuck on. i would like the flourishes elizabeth the first put on her letters.

she did this to stop spies from adding on to her letters, official announcements and important notes. she would cover entire pages, with simple scratches at first, which eventually led to the descending curves you can see in her signature above.

i would have these on my lip to show that no-one can twist my words. that what i say is what i mean.

phassshion

my dick boyfriend capped the internet so i can't play around for two weeks. i will use this time for phashion and makeup refinement.

(i say phashion because it's fun, but not majorly important. in the same way that i say mokop - this is not something that i feel should be vital in my life, as interesting as it is, because there are better and more important things to do)

some other fun things are:

• watching the art of spain
• dissembling and painting those two skateboards behind me in the first photo
• finding the measurements for the giant indent in the wall behind me and painting something illusory to fit
• scamming the library for wisdom and knowledge (comics and phashion books)
• making that comic-painting based on a poppy HIM song that i got obsessed over
• suitcase rummage on the 9th of july
• having some time alone with the rats
• chilling with the few friends i have on the coast
• refining and re-examining the master plan of moving south and having way more fun
• collecting all of the silver. all of it. every 5c coin.
• sunbathing in winter
• smelling great.

lilac lip

i got bored.

skin: make up store foundation sample, clinique stick concealer.

eyes: mac liquid concealer & mineralise skinfinish as base, clinique gold highlight on inner corner, estee lauder white on lids, very lightly. clinique high impact mascara.

lips: a mix of four. illamasqua intense lipgloss in 'gender', sheered with a clear gloss, mixed with fyrinnae's cupcake sprinkles eyeshadow. but it was too blue-toned, so i mixed illamasqua's brink with fyrinnae's sennyo and put that on top.

cheeks: estee lauder contour, with fyrinnae's enchant. i would have used a more orange-based blush but i don't own one.

mokop

face: a make up store foundation sample i've had for months, clinique concealer stick, mac liquid concealer.

eyes: fyrinnae half-elf hottie all over lid, estee lauder brown eyeshadow from palette in crease, tkb trading chameleon fine mica over a gold gel liner as wing, black gel liner following it. clinique mascara. high impact, i think?

lips: i did them over a lot, but this is a base of illamasqua's brink, with a shitty $2 purple lipstick on top. they look really overdone but that's only a little bit outside my real lip shape. okay.

cheeks: estee lauder blush/contour from palette.

wolle walo

i can't tell if my life is really great at this point. if i had done more things in the recent past, i would be really keen, but not so much since i spent the last year and a half essentially fucking around. i learned a lot of things that someone my age probably needs to 'grow up'. i don't have a peter pan complex, but i felt that at this point i would have got a lot more things done and i haven't. i am the kind of person that doesn't volunteer themselves for anything. i wait to be asked, and it really hasn't been beneficial so far. not so much achievements in terms of popular success, but more about feeling like i am on track and have accomplished something. i always feel like i haven't done my best or given enough, so i give nothing unless pushed. here is a list of things i like about ville valo, who i've been watching way too much of:

• baritone
• charming without grossly overdoing it/being a wanker.
• likes music i am too afraid to admit to liking/doesn't worry about saying 'i like them but not their band' without having people misconstrue his words.
• has a better command of english than most english people.
• you can tell he has an ego but he keeps it under check.
• cool guy. nice hair. grows my favourite beard.
• cares about poetvy and films and shit and has a lot of 'good' (correlating with mine) points of view on things that i haven't been able to talk to people about without feeling like a toddler.

okay.

makeup

i really like makeup. this is how i did my eyes every day for a while - quite a few months ago but i still like it, aside from the eyebrows.

recently i ran out of foundation and i've been looking for a new one - i used maybelline mousse for a while, which i like a lot; it's sort of medium coverage but it can be sheered down, goes on really nicely and lasts for a decent while. but i heard that high-end foundations are better, so when i ran out i went and got samples:

• chanel prolumiere
• m.a.c. satinfinish
• two bobbi brown foundations
• two stila foundations
• clinique
• estee lauder doublewear
• and i had a make up store sample from when i made friends with the lady working there.

this is what i wore today:

base: chanel prolumiere in 01 clair. it's a shade or two lighter than me. i tried the m.a.c. satinfinish but i think it had either oxidised or was just too dark/orange based, as every single foundation i've had from the mac booth has been also. they seem to always have one person who knows what she's doing and one that stands around and 'promotes the image'. but that's why i was white today: overcompensation. highlighted with fyrinnae's center stage on browbone, inner eye corner and cupid's bow.

eyes: da vinci pigment (i forget its name but it's a gorgeous gold-shimmered pink  loose powder), fyrinnae's sumatran tiger (i love this shadow so much. so much), fyrinnae's fyre & ice on the lashline. clinique mascara.

blush: fyrinnae's seduce and the little purple 'beauty mark' (red spot that wouldn't disappear) is fyrinnae's sennyo.

i had illamasqua's brink lipstick on my lips, sheered with a clear gloss, but these pictures were taken later in the evening and it had come off. that's why my eyebrows are so messy, i don't own a brow gel and they never stay put.

have a good day.

i am cleaning

when i clean i like to organise and cull things at the same time, so there will be less cleaning later, and also so i can reevaluate my space and make it more homey or more pleasing to the eye.

this is how much i like cleaning.